There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
