Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
