hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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