dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
