you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
