Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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