Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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