Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
