"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
