i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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