we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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