Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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