My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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