let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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