somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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