so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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