Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
