it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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