I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
