I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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