he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
