love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i just had sex bonerless
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
