too bad you live with your parents still
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
