Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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