i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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