You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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