if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
