We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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