i was born a porn star she said
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
