Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
