My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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