My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
