I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
