I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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