Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
