Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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