did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Alive.
So much puke
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
