im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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