So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
BRING THE BAGELS
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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