I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
