Will you blow on my dice?
i permit you to call me
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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