the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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