I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
