My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
