walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
