tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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