I want to walk on stilts...naked
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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