please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
