some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
