If that was your dad, he is hot
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Also, beer. Big fan.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
