so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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